Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Great Watermelon Hunt of '88

Somewhere in the arctic tundra in the year 1888, a great hunt ensued - "the Great Watermelon Hunt of '88". For years, the northern hemisphere had been terrorized by a threat that was understood by few but feared by all. People were disappearing all over the hemisphere with no evidence but a trail of reddish juice and little black and slightly smaller white seeds.

Those among the unenlightened  thought this was the blood and bones of their missing friends for they did not understand the anatomy. But the few who had sought knowledge through the ages, emerging as heroes, knew the truth of matters. This! was the work of watermelons, a secret and most devious occult.

So the great hunt began, but not before the enlightened recruited the most able of their acquaintances to aid them in their mission. The wise members of the expedition knew that watermelons inhabited the deepest parts of the arctic tundra and so followed their compasses north. All knew it would be difficult to find these deviants but the leaders devised a plan that could not fail. In their packs they carried three items each. A penny whistle (which were known at that time as "half o' penny whistle" due to pre-inflated prices...), a spiral of dried orange rind, and a large net. The whistle would draw the Watermelons out from their hideaways while the orange rinds would comfort them as they felt akin to the function of rind, knowing much of rinds themselves. The net was self explanatory - the necessary snare.
The three items worked to such great effect that before the hunters knew it, they were practically overrun! Not a few Watermelons appeared but all! Watermelons. And with a great deal of effort and almost unending struggle, the hunters were triumphant for their nets were active and quick.
With the tremendous load they hurried home with the ensnared, but live Watermelons. There they performed the coup de grĂ¢ce - the ceremonial carving and feast of the Watermelons. No more did friends go missing in a trail of Watermelon waste.